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今日幽默

原因

问:为什么团建过后反而有很多人离职?

答:请看团建的特点:

时间:一般选择周末等非工作时间

地点:市内或不超过200公里的临近城市甚至是农家乐乃至山里

内容:顶着大太阳玩大学生军训、破冰那套或者是年轻人的三国杀、剧本杀

住宿:住快捷酒店、帐篷或者是农家乐院的大通铺

伙食:普遍为自己采购材料的烧烤,吃完了还得拉肚子

性质:虽然是公司团建,但没有什么实际工作量所以依然算假期

请假:基本不允许

员工感受:挺恶心的

期待效果:公司内部大团结,生产力极大提高,从义务996过渡到007工作

实际效果:加速有离职计划员工的离职,激活部分没有离职员工的开启离职

老板结论:反骨仔

员工结论:反nm

失败

“你的人生简直就是个笑话!”

“哈哈不可能,我的人生才不是笑话,笑话至少还有意义。”

套路

今天一大早,父亲突然给我出了个智力题:你面前有十条巷子,其中九条都布置了杀人的机关,你要怎么做才能活下去?

我摇摇头说不会。

父亲平静地说:找对巷。

暴露

一位妻子和丈夫逛街,经过脱衣舞俱乐部时,保安对丈夫打招呼:“嘿,戴夫!最近怎么样?”

妻子怀疑地问:“以前你来过这里?”

戴夫:“不可能的,这哥们跟我一起打过高尔夫球而已。”

这时一个脱衣舞女正要进入俱乐部,看到他们就笑着说:“嘿,戴夫!今天要点一支大腿舞吗?”

妻子听了怒不可遏,戴夫赶紧拉着她坐上出租车准备离开,妻子则一边骂一边打他的脸。

司机转过头说:“哟嗬,戴夫!你今晚搞到的这个妞很狂野啊?”

担忧

刚刚关掉炒币的界面,出了房间,坐在餐桌上和家人吃饭。

父母惴惴不安地悄悄问我:“孩子,你最近是不是吸毒了?”

我犹豫了一下,一咬牙说:“是的。”

父母长舒一口气,笑了笑:“那还好,我们还以为你炒币了呢。”

套路

拿买3080的钱去买比特币,如果涨了100%,你可以卖掉取现,再买加价的显卡。

如果跌了50%,你虽然亏了几千块,但是市面上就会充满大量便宜的显卡,同时你应该自豪自己引发了矿难,为人类做了一件好事。

以上就是Cryptocurrency/显卡组成的风险组合。

反思

一旦你完成了学业,生活就从线性变成了一个开放世界的游戏。

偏差

中国人对年龄最大的误解就是:30岁很多事就定下来了。

殊不知30岁之后你人生中重要的事情才会陆续真正发生。

恐惧

问:人肉炸弹最大的恐惧是什么?

答:独自死去。

感觉

经过长时间的犹豫,我告诉了女同事我的感觉。

她也有同样的感觉。

于是我打开了空调。

崩盘

2010年:比特币崩盘,跌到10美金。

2011年:比特币泡沫破裂,跌到100美元。

2012年:比特币完蛋,跌到500美元。

2017年:比特币骗局终结,跌到4000美元。

2021年5月19日,比特币又崩盘了,跌到32814美元。

素质

问:有哪些细节会让你觉得这个人很有教养?

答:玩GTA等红绿灯。

锻炼

我跟我姥说我在减肥健身了,我姥问我健身是什么,我解释了一下,她说如果那么闲就回来挖地。

愿望

打工人希望的520:

5,是五天工作制

2,是确保两天休息

0,是加班时间为零

悲剧

你抄底了BTC,他梭哈了ETH,我重仓了Doge,我们都有美好的未来。

你站上了天台,他睡到了轨道,而我选择了上吊,我们都有说有笑。

原因

“放心吧,你担心的100件事,其实有99件都不会发生。”

“不知道会发生哪一件,这正是最担心的。”

错误

按下定时炸弹的开关后,小李才发现只定时了1秒。

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    ZacharyShoup1周前 (10-18)回复
  226. #226

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    Alfredohep1周前 (10-19)回复
  227. #227

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  232. #232

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    ise yarayacagini düsünmüyodum ama girince gerçekten sok oldum ??

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  239. #239

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  240. #240

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    Исаев18小时前回复

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